All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
