So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
