We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
