If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
