My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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