someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
