Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
