If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
