Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hello my rib-scented angel!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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