Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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