what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
