Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
