My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
