It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
