ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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