just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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