ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
