you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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