You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
