My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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