why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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