I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
