I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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