I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
