it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I will pee on everything he values.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
