i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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