her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
