i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she smelled like a LAN party
only you would photoshop your dick
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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