sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
