Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
