I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
