just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
