I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
