I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
