What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
