i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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