Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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