Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
