"it" just moved
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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