so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
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