Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
