I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
