8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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