i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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