he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
