i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
