she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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