Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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