i just wanna soil my oats bro
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The beers last night were like the tears from god
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
