remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
