my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
