she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
