Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
